A Twist of Fate...

In the middle of the winter of 1993 - 1994, an event occurred that would forever shape and change my life and behavior. I was 19. I was a sophomore in college. I was inexperienced in most things that mattered. But, I was about to have that lack of intellectual wisdom and emotional maturity challenged beyond anything I had ever imagined.

On Saturday night, the beautiful wife and I went to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." It was fascinating and touching on many levels. But from the moment we exited the theater, a particular scene has plagued me almost constantly. No matter what I do, I cannot seem to shake the images and words portrayed in a particular portion of the movie. One of the main characters, named Daisy, is hit by a car. But it is the analysis of the event that has nagged at me so deeply. The narrator, Benjamin, questions how the outcome would have been different if one single action that led up to Daisy being in the collision would not have occurred. A woman answering a phone and then missing a taxi and getting another one, a shoelace breaking and having to be fixed, Daisy herself staying late at her dance recital to help someone; All seemingly incidental and unconnected situations until when linked together in perfect harmony and timing led to tragedy.

In the winter of 1993 -1994, I experienced such a tragedy. Two fraternity brothers...housemates...and good friends of mine were planning a trip from our home campus of Illinois State University to the University of Indiana. Along the way, they planned to pick up another friend from the University of Illinois at Champaign-Urbana. Dmitry and David, my two friends, asked me to join them on this road trip and I had seriously considered it. I was planning on going until I received a call from my hometown synagogue and they offered me an opportunity to go to Southern Wisconsin and songlead for a Winter Retreat at the summer camp where I grew up (OSRUI). I decided to forgoe the road trip and take the position songleading. I had no idea what a fateful decision this was to become.

It was cold and quiet in Southern Wisconsin. The retreat was going as planned until I received a phone call in one of the main buildings from my Rabbi that said I was needed urgently at the main office. I had known this Rabbi nearly my entire life. I sensed the dread in his voice and I instantly knew that something was wrong. I walked to the main office quietly and focused on my hot breath as it expired from my lungs in repetitive and rhythmic waves and met the chilly Wisconsin night air in puffs of white mist. When I got to the office there were simple instructions. Call your father. I picked up the phone and dialed my dear Dad. I will never forget his words to me that night. "Brad...I am so sorry to tell you this...but your friends David and Dmitry were killed in a car accident last night. I have made arrangements for you to come home. I love you and I am so sorry for your loss. They were great kids and we will all be here for you when you get home. Come home son."

I don't remember what I said, or if I said anything at all. I just was jolted into complete and utter shock and disbelief.

A few days later some of the details began to emerge though. My friends had in fact picked up another person and made it to Indiana safely. After having a nice visit, they decided to drive back in the middle of the night and were hit head-on by a drunk driver going an estimated 90 miles an hour. The drunk driver swerved into the path of Dmitry's car and everyone in the accident was killed including the drunk driver, his wife and infant child.

It was revealed to me later that there was a brief period of time when a few of my friends, one in particular, thought that I was also in the car and had been killed. They did not know that I had changed my plans at the last minute and had not been in the car. This path of logic got me thinking very deeply. And so you see, this is where the fateful accident for Daisy in the movie last night has found such deep prominence in my thoughts.

I vividly remember thinking at the time, "What if I had gone on the trip with them?" I might have gone to the bathroom and delayed the departure from Indiana or it might have taken 4 people instead of 3 just a single minute longer to pack up the car. Any small change would have invariably altered the exact moment in time during which the drunk driver's truck and my friend Dmitry's car intersected. Just a fraction of a second and maybe the truck would have veered off the road and missed their car completely. I could not stop thinking of the very real possibility that had I been on this trip, the accident may have never happened. Imagine the guilt and confusion this can cause. I never felt responsible for their death. I just felt that I had changed the fate of myself and others. It was a very humbling, spiritual, gut-wrenching and educational experience.

This tragedy could have been devastating to my life, and for a time it was truly heartbreaking. Funerals are always sad, but you never forget a funeral where lives have been taken so young and tragically. But, over the years, it has also taught me many things. To never take life for granted for each day is an opportunity and a blessing. To treat people with kindness and generosity because you never know when you might not be able to see them again. To express to people your opinions and feelings. Most of all, it taught me to respect fate. To respect that some things are bound to happen and that the only thing we can do is make decisions with the best knowledge we have at the time...and then await the outcome whether that outcome be good or bad.